Post 312

Minority Sports –No.3: Cycling

Once again, this is another sport which is divided into two distinct categories. Some cyclists traverse the roads of our country dressed in clothing marked, ‘Clarke Contracts’ whilst the rest don apparel advertising ‘M Clarke & Sons’.

Other plastering contractors have attempted to break into the cycling market but as things currently stand, going out on your bike without the name ‘Clarke’ being clearly displayed about your person may result in a lifetime ban from the sport.

Predominately reclusive individuals, cyclists do come together on Sunday mornings to hunt in packs. As they should really be at the chapel at this time, we can surmise that cyclists are also atheists.

Sadly, because of aerodynamics, cyclists are unable to grow moustaches as this would make it impossible for them to get up the Glenshane Pass. Cycling extremists have also been known to shave chest and leg moustaches also. This obviously precludes them from playing for Portglenone FC.

There are no ‘goals’ in the sport of cycling but rather the ‘goal’ is for those taking part is to return to the spot where they started. Reaching the top in this pastime is achieved when a cyclist finally figures out that the easiest way to reach this goal is not to start in the first place.

Dogs do not like cyclists.

Dogs are one of the world’s most intelligent species.


6 thoughts on “Post 312

    • “The gross and net result of it is that people who spent most of their natural lives riding iron bicycles over the rocky roadsteads of this parish get their personalities mixed up with the personalities of their bicycle as a result of the interchanging of the atoms of each of them and you would be surprised at the number of people in these parts who are nearly half people and half bicycles…when a man lets things go so far that he is more than half a bicycle, you will not see him so much because he spends a lot of his time leaning with one elbow on walls or standing propped by one foot at kerbstones.”

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