Post 297

Suspect Device on Main Street Declared a Hoax

In the early hours of Thursday (today) morning, a suspect device was discovered on Main Street but was later declared to be a hoax.  Whilst the residents of the village were coming to terms with the news that a suspect device had been discovered on Main Street (albeit one which was later declared to be a hoax) we at despatched a team of reporters to Main Street where the suspect device was discovered and their investigations turned out to be interesting.

It appears that the drama began in the early hours when a suspect device was discovered on Main Street and tensions rose as onlookers waited to discover whether or not the device was a hoax. One eyewitness tweeted from the scene;

@hugh_garce:  In PG1 Main Street and there is a suspect device here but don’t know yet if it is a hoax! Lol #wasn’tmethistime

Eventually, a spokesman for the PSNI issued the following statement;

“We can confirm that the suspect device discovered early this morning on Main Street was a hoax”

All the major media outlets were at the scene and this is a sample of how our little village’s trauma was reported by them;

Suspect device on Main Street in Portglenone declared a hoax – Radio Ulster

Portglenone suspect device a hoax it is declared – Downtown Radio

A hoax on Portglenone Main Street is declared after discovery of suspect device – Belfast Telegraph

Susspecked davice on Maine Road in Porthglenown declaired a hokes – Mid-Ulster Observer

And now here’s the new track from Nathan Carter – Highland Radio

Who can even guess what strange twist is next in this remarkable story?

The Story in Pictures


A main street

images (1)

A suspect device

(Anyone affected by the issues in this report should contact Doctor’s Corner)


9 thoughts on “Post 297

  1. Dear Dr’s Corner, Following the discovery of a device down on Main St, which turned out to be a hoax, I have become anxious. I have recently come to depend on Portglenone.wordpress for all my news and I assumed that I could depend on them, but now, well? My doubts centre on their repeated references to Country & Western songs and singers; and then today they mentioned Highland Radio. What should I make of this? Can they be trusted? Was that device a hoax? Down on Main Street, is Bob Seger a C&W.

    • I fall to pieces when I read comments like this, they are Crazy. I walk the line here trying to bring you the news, Mama Tried to warn me but it’s always on my mind. I blame my sub-editor, he’ll have to go then we can both be movin on so I beg you, stand by your man and we can get back on the road again.

  2. Yea it was me what spotted the superstitious IDE……looked like a pipe bomb te me… was just layin’ there with a pouch of Golden Virginia & a pack of Swan Vestas…….so I phoned Batt Maggot so I did………no need to thank me……..but a sizeable reward will be accepted.

  3. I get all my news from the Mid Ulster and thons not what it said about it. There was a photie of the hokes and the caption read “Pictured relaxing at the Bomb Innocent in Pornglenone” . You’re a liar and I claim my £53! I’ll add it to your tab.

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