IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
As of tomorrow, the entire editorial team at portglenone.wordpress.com will once again be going on the run across Europe for an extended period.
As a result, it’s my sad duty to announce that as of midnight on 21st September, Portglenone and its surrounding villages and townlands will be temporarily cancelled.
We would ask all our readers to assist us at this difficult time by not referring to the area in conversation, ceasing to shop in the town and most importantly, removing all mentions of The Bann Valley from any reference books or pamphlets in your possession.
We’d also like to thank Gortfad for its pre-preemptive decision to achieve a state of utter inertia in anticipation of this very eventuality.
Portglenone 
We assume Gortgole will be excluded from this state of petrification and be allowed to continue on its journey into the twentieth century. Good luck in Europe, but I can’t imagine you on the ‘run.’
For crying out loud try and make a better job of the candlelit vigil this time.
On behalf of all the residents of Smyth Crescent We would like to say we’ll miss you…………..but we can’t.
Thanks, that means an amount to me…a very small amount it has to be said.
I see there’s a large straw effigy of you a Smythtown Cross…….what’s that all about ?……careful with those candles now !!!!
Wax on, Whacks off…we’re back to the sperm bank again aren’t we?