Attention all walkers, joggers and snoggers!
The Police have issued a warning to anyone using the riverside towpath just off the Ballymacombs Road to be on their guard against local vigilante groups operating in the area.
They have received several reports of visitors being attacked in recent weeks. Apparently these bands of outlaws have taken to hiding in the undergrowth and waiting until they hear some passer-by use the name, “Fisherman’s Walk”.
When they do, they leap from their cover, spray a large blue star on the victim’s back and slap an adhesive sticker across their mouths with the words, “It’s Molloy’s Ford, You Bastards” written on it. We managed to make contact with this shadowy group which styles itself, ‘Glenone and Ballynease, Save Historic Irish Terms Endangered’ or GABSHITE for short and a spokesperson told us;
“We’re sick of these outsiders coming in and developing new nomenclature, it’s always been Molloy’s Ford and it always will be. We are not unreasonable, we are prepared to accept, the moss, the bog, the dumps and at a stretch, ‘The Big Stones’ but never, under any circumstances, ‘Magherafelt and District Council Coarse Angling Facility’.
At this point in the interview, the spokesman spotted that I had described the site as being “just off the Ballymacombs Road” and before I knew what was happening, I had a sticker across my mouth reading, “Bellaghy Road You Retard”.