We would like to take this opportunity, on behalf of the the small number of decent, law abiding people of the Bann Valley, to speak directly to the organised crime bosses behind the growing number of self-styled ‘charity shops’ (known colloquially as ‘head-scarf shops) which have overtaken much of Portglenone village.
From their very names, the suspicion begins; Bridge of Hope has no bridge despite what the name claims, Mission Moldova appears, as far as we can discover, to be in Ireland and worst of all, that other outfit that seems to move around the town on a monthly basis.
Yes, Mission Possible or should we call you Mission Impossible? I’ll tell you what’s impossible, figuring out your name from the ambiguous signage!
We haven’t worked out exactly what these establishments are up to they seem unwilling or unable to produce invoices for their stock telling our reporter,
“If you don’t leave now, we’ll call the police” and “Would you like a cup of tea and a wee sit down?”
Worst of all, these outwardly respectable retailers are flooding the town with dangerous product such as Porcelain dolls, video box-sets of Midsomer Murders and biographies of Alan Titchmarsh and Gloria Hunniford.