Post 67

Did you know that ‘The County Antrim Post’ the county’s newest and finest local newspaper which has its HQ in Portglenone, is made of a special willow-based pulp which ensures that all copies completely disintegrate as soon as they are carried across the bridge into County Derry?

Conversely, the same is almost true of ‘The County Derry Post’ although the recent introduction of damson preserve to the printing process allows copies to survive and be enjoyed as far across the river as Garvaghy Hill.



4 thoughts on “Post 67

  1. I must hotly dispute the CAP fact in this post, it is well known that Jim & Betty Lawless (who’s dwelling is at least 14.5 kilofarts inside Co Derry) regularly retire to bed early of an evening with a copy of CAP, which is still perfect for hanging in the outside toilet for up to a month afterwards.

  2. We at the County Antrim Post dispute this ‘willow’ rumour. There are 17 other rumours that, rumour has it, dispel the ‘willow’ theory, as it is called among the illuminate. The truth of the matter, according to the most accurate of the rumours (started by the Derry Post), is that the printing paper used is based on compound rumours, creating a topological loop of self interaction and activation, similar to the holographic membrane concept in M Theory, described in layman’s terms in Douglas Adam’s conceptualisation of the probability drive. It is only careful consideration of this theory that allows the paper to exist, and thusly, only in the minds of its creators, rendering all that is written on it in a superposition of both true and false while simultaneously real and unreal. This of course has caused considerable difficulties with our printers, who we managed to plicate with a case of Famous Grouse left over from Pat’s Bar.

    I hope this will put an end to this website’s typical scaremongering.

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