It seems that this year’s Gig ‘n the Bann festival is not going to have everything its own way. Event organisers have been hit by the news that a rival festival is to be held across the river in Moneystaghan during the same week.
‘The Rose of Staghan’ pageant will be open to all girls between the ages of acne and bingo-wings but it will be no run of the mill beauty contest.
Actually, that’s not strictly true, the first event is indeed a two-mile run from The Waterwall to Lagan’s Mill and back.
Apart from standard criteria in such competitions such as silage bale rolling, double parking outside Clady Shop and everyone’s favourite, the best waxed upper lip, spectators will also be treated to the swimwear parade. There is no limit on the skimpiness of the bikinis allowed but contestants must wear fully fastened overalls at all times.
To ensure that no men attempt to enter the competition in disguise, the sex of all entrants will be ascertained in the traditional ‘drop the hand’ fashion. Volunteers for this job should come to the gates of Eurospar at 10 o’clock on Monday morning. The interviews aren’t being held in Eurospar, they are happening in Mull Park but that is where the end of the queue is at present.
©The Two Ronnies